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skullinski:

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this girl has some hella fine legs right?

right?

RIGHT?

R I G H T?

WRONG

it’s albert einstein

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all american family dinner

mom:  hello son you need to put out the fancy dinner plates. i ordered some Chinese food and we will serve it on the plates so we can pretend i cooked
son:  of course mom, can u pass me the apple juice
mom:  of course son. be careful it is very spicy
son:  *sips juice* OH SUGAR U WERE RIGHT MOM THIS APPLE JUICE IS MUCH TOO SPICY
dad:  ha ha ha. wash it down with hot dogs, and all american tradition.
son:  thanks dad. hey, wanna play baseball with me after dinner?
dad:  we can't tonight, son. tonight is the night we are having our annual family photograph taken
mom:  i picked out matching sweaters for all of us including the dog.
son:  we will look great! we should use the photograph as a christmas card! merry christmas from the bakers!
dad:  great idea, son. don't forget about our fishing trip this weekend
son:  golly dad, how could i forget that important american family tradition

sirlightbulb:

sirlightbulb:

sirlightbulb:

You have not lived life until you have eaten a spoonful of pure peanut butter

Unless you have a peanut allergy

Then you are living life just fine and I would advise you to disregard my previous statement

shutthefuckupcas:

shutthefuckupcas:

shutthefuckupcas:

My dad accidentally threw a cheese grater at me so I left the room and he yelled “come back here you ungrateful child” while laughing hysterically

Update my mom just told me that if I had even a ‘shred’ of decency I would go back in there

Update #2: my dad apologized and told me he had only done it for ‘the grater good’